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Overwhelmed

As most of you know, I left Spain to move back to the UK
this summer.

I principally came back to look after my sick and elderly Dad
who was more sick than I could have ever imagined.

I am not an only child, I have a sister who lives 10 minutes 
away from my Dad. But that's a story for another day.


I'm loving being back in London.
But something else is overwhelming me. 
I've realised my life has been "hijacked".

I can't make plans as there is always
an urgent medical appointment that needs to
be squeezed in.

My life no longer has a timetable. Those of
you who know me, know how my life is scheduled
with military precision.




Suddenly the only timetables are
those surrounding my Dad.

It's dawning on me what a huge undertaking 
I am now part of.


Please don't get me wrong, I am so
pleased I came back when I did.

But being surrounded by someone old and very sick
has started to fill me with dread and fear about my own
old-age.

I've lost my mojo, my creativity, my optimism
for life.

I've lost my freedom, my passion ,
my vision for my business, 
my spontaneity, my sparkle

Nobody told me it would be like this.
Everybody just told me I was doing the right thing.

I'm trying to focus everyday on all that I DO have

........ the most wonderful husband,
friends and faith that are all keeping me on the
right side of the Vodka bottle ;-)




Please don't think I have been ignoring you all
(this is the longest I've been AWOL from
blogland).
I just need more time than I thought to
adapt to my new responsibilities.

OK........now where's that Vodka bottle?